changes...

I'm depressed. It's a good thing. It means I'm one lap closer to the finish line of accepting the fact that I'm moving away from my best friends, my fiance, and beautiful Santa Barbara. I've finally moved away from the denial of this fact, and into the depression of existing in these last few moments in town. (Isn't there a science for this? I feel like there's 12 steps or something to help me better handle this...maybe that's for some other illness....I don't remember) To top it all off, I can't find my journal or my Bible. I'm pretty sure they're packed up in the abyss of my Honda Civic (which by the way, holds an impressive amount of wares!). So here's both my apology and warning, my little bloggy is taking the hit that my journal may have usually absorbed. Cheers to emotions, feelings, and getting it all out on paper, so to speak.

I've lived in Santa Barbara for the last six years. Believe me, I've talked a LOT of smack about this place in those years. I've complained about the constant sunshine, the omnipresence of beach sand during the summer months, ludicrous cover charges downtown during Fiesta (ridiculous!), and a multitude of other things. But when I really get down to my true feelings for this city, I realize my complaints were just a front for what I really feel about this place. I'd like to think I can have my cake and eat it too... I've got a fierce pride for the state of Colorado (Go Buffs!), and I can still be in love with Santa Barbara at the same time. Let me be clear, some of my complaints about this city are LEGIT. To name a few: I lived in a house for three years with rats the size of small cats (MADRONA: a kitchen cabinet that smelled like urine, a bee-hive outside of my window, a hole in the floor of my room, a window that wouldn't shut, and a kitchen sink that sounded like an earthquake every-time it was used), I've been way too close in proximity to out of control wild-fires, and seriously, cover prices during Fiesta are truly silly. But really, I love Santa Barbara. I love the weather, I love the people, the uniqueness of the climate, the beauty of life in the plant world (plant classification: BEST CLASS EVER), and I love the friends I've made here. God has been good to me in this city.

I never thought I'd live in California, I never thought I'd go to Westmont, and I NEVER thought I'd stay in Santa Barbara after I'd graduated. But God's pretty tricky that way, and here I am six years later not wanting to leave. Plus, when I received an opportunity to go and live at casa Madrona with Maddie, the answer was an obvious YES. Going to college here was pretty snazzy, but when I look back at Westmont I am mostly grateful for the friendships I was blessed with while I was at school. Shoutout to the older and wiser mentors in my life who said I would make my best friends at college. I'm not talking "best friends" like high-school buddies, I'm talking about best friends who are lifelong partners in crime; the kind of friend you call in the middle of the night because you're in a crisis; the kind of friend you video chat with in the same room; the kind of friend who will always download the music I want and then email it to me; and the kind of friend who will stick by your side through thick and thin, not judging you for certain events that may or may not have happened at Q's.

I've already had to deal with a few of my best friends moving out of town, curses to you nursing school! But when it comes to the longevity of my friendships here in Santa Barbara, one Madeline Madison "insert any word here for middle name" Jacks takes the cake.

Without releasing too many of my emotions into cyberspace (and also because of the fact that Maddie's already had a healthy dose of it in my going away letter that was riddled with ridiculousness), suffice it to say that one of the hardest reasons for me to leave Santa Barbara was because I would also be leaving my bestie Madison. I realized a few days before I left SB, that for the past four years of my life, I've pretty much seen Maddie everyday. Breakdown moment #1: I wasn't sure if I actually knew how to function without her!

I know that I probably took advantage of my friendship with Maddie, and just how wonderful and amazing she is. After I've been in CO for a couple of weeks, I've had even more time to realize what a pleasure it was to live with a best friend. Maddie, you've seen me at my worst, my ugliest, in the hardest and saddest times of my life...and you've supported me through it all. You've also been a huge part of the best times of my life, some of my happiest and most meaningful. It has been such a blessing to have you in my life. Because you're funny. And you make amazing playlists. And you are always cooking interesting things. You share your clothes with me. You share amazing stories about your office. You know all the shortcuts in Santa Barbara. You have all-time access to blueberries. And the list goes on and on....

I LOVE MADDIE!

QUOTE: sarah c sheets