traveling

Today I’m flying to Colorado to spend some quality time with the family, and to help my sister as she plans for the big day.  I obviously say “the big day” to try and sound more clever when referring the to day of her marriage, her wedding day, the day she says “I Do.”  As I look back on it, it’s really not clever at all. I digress.

To start the traveling process, I took the Santa Barbara airbus down to Los Angeles Airport--LAXY as I like to call it.  I was checked into the airbus by one Jim Whitehead.  I think Whitehead is a very unfortunate last name--no offense to Jim, because he really was quite nice; monotone, but nice.  And he drove that bus like a pro, only scaring me senseless once as we careened around the curves of the PCH (why we took the PCH, I haven’t the foggiest).  I’ll be the first to say that Mr. Whitehead’s bus doesn’t quite hug the curves like my little Honda.  But we made it, and I believe the only appropriate word to adequately express my thankfulness is, of course, huzzah.

I would also like to make a note regarding a condition I have which I will henceforth refer to as unexplainable queasiness and potential fainting (UQ for short).  My UQ comes at the strangest of times.  A few examples.  Once UQ struck as I was watching a video of a very flexible human, for no apparent reason, my poor self was so uncomfortable with the situation that I ended up fainting in class.  UQ also gets me when I see old people with visible bruises, or if I see very, very skinny people.  UQ also strikes right before I travel, usually the morning of.  I get this nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about taking a bus, a long car ride, or plane flight.  I once thought to blame this on motion sickness, but I’m the kind of girl who can ride roller coasters all day and feel nothing but exhilaration.  There’s no explaining it...it’s an anomaly.  All this to say, UQ struck once again as I was on the SB Airbus, and I had the distinct urge to either faint, or perhaps vomit.  I was anticipating the sneak attack from UQ, so I was mentally prepared to handle the situation appropriately.  I don't mean to brag, but I was a champ.  It usually passes after a few minutes of purely unexplainable, and not very pleasant body sensations.  I take particular pride in this specific success story, because not only was I fighting UQ, I was also battling against Whitehead’s death defying driving.

So here I am sitting in LAXY, just loving the people watching. This wholesome recreation is readily available at any public location, but something about airports just increases the people watching joy; specifically in L.A.  Los Angeles, a city filled with ridiculous people.  Something in the water here has created a menagerie of bizarre people wearing bizarre things, and obviously acting at the calibre you would expect from those who wear the word JUICY proclaimed proudly on their tooshies.  Yes, these are the same people who wear sunglasses inside, stiletto’s with their sweat pants, and carry large rodents in their purse that some genius started marketing as dogs.  It’s a well known fact that NYC has a huge rat population in the subway system.  I see the “sm

all dog” situation here in L.A. as much worse than New York’s rat issues.  Not only are the Chihuahua's here in “So-Cal” visible during the day, but they are allowed to be taken into public locations and even petted by the envious newcomers in L.A. who are seeking approval by the ludicrous standards of the self proclaimed rich and famous.   

Enough about other people, back to focusing on myself.  I’m flying Southwest to Colorado.  If you’ve ever flown Southwest before, then you’re aware of the trepidation beginning to build in my very core as I wait to be boarded.  If you’ve never flown this airline, let me enlighten you. I believe it can be summed up in three well chosen and poignant words.  No. Assigned. Seats.  It’s pretty much a free-for-all when it comes to getting seated on the plane.  I feel strongly that some people save all their pent up aggression between Southwest flights, building it up inside until the next time they can release it on Southwest newbies upon time of boarding.  

I realize I might be portraying this whole situation somewhat incorrectly as there are a few loose rules about boarding time.  You are given boarding group A, B, or C; and then an additional number associated with your boarding group anywhere from 1-60.  Boarding group A, numbers 1-30 gets to go first, followed by A 31-60; and then so forth through C 31-60.  The Southwest pro’s have perfected the ability to check in at exactly the right time to ensure themselves group A.  The super pro’s, if there is such a thing, get A 1-30.  I have no idea how it’s done, and am consistently stuck with group C, which is where I think the real aggression lies.  By the time I get on the plane, there is heavy competition for the, gasp, ONE WINDOW SEAT IN THE BACK.  After that seat vanishes in seconds, you’re left to go for the limited aisle seats.  Trust me, those get snatched up faster than you can say Davey Jones Locker.  As a result, and as has always been my case, you must resign yourself to the middle seat; usually located next to those with unfortunate metabolisms.  

So as you can understand, I’m starting to get a little nervous about boarding the flight.  I’m definitely planning to throw some elbow’s, but there’s no telling what might happen if UQ hits me in a clutch moment......